You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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