He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
