I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize