You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
