can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
