i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
