his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Shame - the story of my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize