I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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