so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is my gift to your gina
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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