Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
