he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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