omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize