Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
