I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
