you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
