i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
