So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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