I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
