it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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