I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it's like iHOP with fire
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
