R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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