everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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