I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
