he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
