I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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