i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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