today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
