somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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