Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
