i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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