I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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