Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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