I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
