YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize