Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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