And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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