I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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