I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
