Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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