so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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