the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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