I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
