I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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