I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
