Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
