he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's never too late to be topless.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
