That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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