he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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