She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
