There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
