we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
