The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
