just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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