I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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