i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
