What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
