oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize