This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
