once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
