Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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