why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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