I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
