You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
