apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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