Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize