So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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