I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
