take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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