So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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