this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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