just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
