I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
