i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
