Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
