I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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