U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize