You're my little dorito
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
