I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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