it's not cheating when I paid for it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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