How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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