My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
