Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
