Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
